VALENTINE’S DAY
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I know that some of my readers are in countries that do not celebrate the holiday, so let me just briefly describe it: This is a holiday that celebrates love, especially romantic love. The tradition is for couples to exchange valentines (cards containing love notes). Some people give gifts. Traditional gifts are flowers, especially roses, candy, fragrances, and less traditionally, lingerie for women.
Yesterday I heard two wildly varying accounts of the history of Valentine’s Day. One of them had to do with a pagan ritual in which men drew women’s names out of a hat (“billets”) and then the men coupled up with whatever woman they had selected and the couple went into the woods and “frolicked” for the day. Then, the Christians got hold of it and turned it into something more of a religious nature. The second account I got began with the Christians. It was the one about St. Valentine, who was jailed for his religious beliefs and, while rotting in prison awaiting execution, fell in love with his jailer’s daughter and began writing sweet nothings to her (the first valentines). Who knows?
Most people will tell you, if you ask them, that St. Valentine’s Day is a “bogus” holiday, made up by the card companies and the candy companies and the flower shops to create a financial bonanza. If you ask them, most people will tell you they “don’t believe” in Valentine’s Day. Most people will go ahead and buy something for their sweetheart, lover or spouse anyway because they don’t want their significant other to be hurt. Or because, depending on the dynamics of the relationship, they don’t want their significant other to hurt them.
Also, many people like to go out to a restaurant for dinner on Valentine’s Day. The restaurants have one of their best days of the year, and in a splurge of unchecked price gouging, they present “special menus” with a “prix fix”, which translates to mean “beaucoup bucks”. The food is usually ho-hum, the rooms are crowded, the service is lousy, and you walk out noticeably poorer than you were when you walked in. Again, many people feel pressured to follow this tradition in order to “prove” to their partner that they love them.
I could certainly understand people balking at the idea of Valentine’s Day. It makes sense to me that many, many people find it unworthy of their attention, if not downright offensive. And I feel that by its very nature, Valentine’s Day is an exclusionary holiday that probably hurts many people. I know by past experience that being single on Valentine’s Day is a lot like being Jewish at Christmas – You just feel left out. What you might otherwise have celebrated as your independence, your strength of character, your alone-ness, may on Valentine’s Day simply feel like loneliness. At its heart (pun intended), Valentine’s Day is a heartless holiday for many.
Because of that, my sisters and I try to do something lovely for my mom on Valentine’s Day. Mom is single, and we are acutely aware of how that could be difficult for her when the whole world is celebrating love. Yesterday, for instance, we gave Mom some flowers, and my sister took her out for the day. There are all kinds of love, and I see no reason why Valentine’s Day should not be more inclusive. We really should honor our mothers, our fathers, our children, our friends.
Having said all that, spending Valentine’s Day with my husband is always a joy for me. Art brought me some beautiful flowers, and I made him a special dinner. We didn’t make a huge fuss, but it was a very sweet day.
I think love – in all its forms – is a wonderful thing to celebrate. Every day.
© 2005, Robin Munson